Lately, I have been overthinking what truly motivates my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and more importantly, my purpose. I believe this blog topic, if evaluated properly, could well fashion an entire thesis and not a simple blog entry. It is however worthy of thought.
I grew up believing I could conquer anything and change the world. Most over-achievers would say the same thing so that is no surprise. While I have conquered much in my life, I am not even close to changing the world. But I have to believe, at the very least, I have brightened a few lives. Would my life have any meaning at all had I not?
For me, my only hope is to bring love and laughter to a chosen few. Some people just take life so seriously that they miss all its hilarious nuances. As I sit alone on a blisteringly cold winter day trying to calculate how ridiculously unaffordable my electric bill will be this month, I am still humored by the fact that I look like Elmer Fudd dressed for a wabbit hunt. You cannot unsee that image, can you? But hey, I really rock layered flannel and thermal socks, so the positives of this day abound.
I am also reminiscent of the snow days in my youth. They were not dreaded days of doom. I remember snow drifts that climbed the house to the roof. My dad took 8mm home movies of my brother walking atop those drifts with ease until suddenly he broke through and sank to his waist in snow. His attempts to escape were side-splitting, but the biggest belly laughs came when we watched it backward. It made him jump out of that drift like a cartoon character. Wile E. Coyote would be jealous. Capturing innocence on film made every family event fun and memorable.
Having lived what I deem a "Leave It to Beaver" childhood, I wish all children could amass a priceless memory bank teeming with only good images. If I can affect that result even once I believe I could achieve purpose.
Tackling the hopes and dreams aspects are far more complex. First of all, specifics in those categories have to be identified before success can be claimed. Thoughts that were once rampant have diminished with age. Currently, I just hope I wake up tomorrow and dream of quiet movement without creaking joints.
So, for today, I will revel in simplicities. My hope for good health is achieved - check. My dream of independence is achieved - check. My determination to have a roof over my head and food in the pantry is fulfilled - check. Am I happy? Aw, come on, happiness is relative. I am secure in the knowledge that I am far more blessed than many. Can happiness really be defined by a finite set of facts?
But I laugh every day and live vicariously through the lives and loves of friends and family. I am immensely satisfied. If the God of Happiness would choose to bestow a devoted and charming billionaire in my line of sight, however, I might indeed reevaluate this perception. Ah, but that is fodder for yet another rant.