Oh, snap! I just had an epiphany and know exactly what ushered in my antiquity status. They are called Compression Socks – otherwise known as articles of Death by Calf Strangulation.
So, I was having an issue with an ache on the front of my left shin. It was not a pain, but a feeling that my skin was being stretched to the point of tearing. It even hurt to touch.
Since I am now back sitting at a desk all day, my self-diagnosis, courtesy of WebMD, posed the possibility of blood clots forming in my legs. Rather than pull out my trusty insurance card and make an appointment with a professional, I opted to first try the obvious – boost circulation.
Sounds like a righteous plan, right? After scrolling through thousands of Amazon pairs, I purchased the open-toe version. Why strangle my toes at the same time?
When they arrived, they looked innocent enough. I had ordered them responsibly, measuring my ankle and calf as advised. The instructions read they should be worn first thing out of bed in the morning. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I started what I expected to be a less-than-a-minute task.
I felt tremendously good about my choice until the dang thing put a choke hold on my ankle. Good heavens, that little sucker had to be made from threads of steel. I had trouble getting my thumbs under it to even start the pull-up process.
Can anyone else attest to this rite of passage? It was like engaging in a tug-of-war with about a dozen Schwarzenegger wannabees. It felt doomed from the onset.
I even fell back on the bed, kicking my legs in the air, thinking that gravity might help win the war. It did not.
But after multiple sighs and a couple of muffled screams, they reached my knee. I had no doubt my toes would be numb in a matter of seconds.
Yet strangely, they weren’t. As a matter of fact, the immediate sensation was a cooling, much like rubbing Bengay into a tired joint, without the nauseating smell.
As the day progressed, and while I hate to be a wimpy advertisement for something as simple as a pair of socks, I honestly felt uncommonly energized. The achy “stretched skin” phenomenon disappeared. Wearing them became a pleasure instead of a life sentence.
It is not recommended to wear them when in a reclining position. So, the best result is because of this day-time fix, I have also not had a leg cramp or leg discomfort overnight since I started this commitment.
These blasted things are definitely keepers. Who knew? Don’t you think I should be awarded an honorary Medical Degree from Harvard University forthwith? Ah, but that is fodder for yet another rant.
Share your thoughts! Click the word Comments below and tell me what you think!