Say What?

There are moments in our lives that impact our personal growth so dramatically that it is next to impossible to explain verbally, much less in writing. If asked, I imagine that many of you could envision a singular pivotal event that instantly changed your life. Today, I was impacted by such an event, and writing about it will be the biggest challenge so far in my blogging journey. I received personal notification that “Facebook Dating” is here. I am awash with anticipation, my heart aflutter with optimism. Will my life ever be the same again?
 
Oh yes, if anything is going to enhance the heartwarming activity of middle-aged dating it has to be the onset of social media involvement. Will they have fact-checkers qualifying your prospects as truthful love connections? How convenient would that be? I cannot wait to watch this service unfold. Grab some popcorn. This will be fun.
 
Go ahead, laugh. I cannot seem to stop laughing either. The online dating circus in middle-age is more like a hellish rollercoaster ride than a romantic cruise through the Tunnel of Love. In my humble experience, I can safely say that men in my category are looking for one of three things: a nurse, a purse, or a hooker. And if they do not initially seem to be in one of those markets, they are most likely looking for a teenager. Okay, okay, that was mean. Let's just say they want someone ridiculously younger than themselves. Oh, the stories I could tell.
 
My favorite tale comes from a guy I met through a high-profile service. After a few days of enjoyable texts and chats, we shared a mutual desire to meet. Choosing ice cream as our safe haven of choice, our introduction began as a real possibility. Who knew mint chocolate chip could be so exciting? Unlike usual, he actually looked like his profile picture and had a delightfully comical sense of humor. It was going so well we decided to move our flirtation to the pub next door. The attraction was real.
 
I ordered a glass of wine while he ordered a Coke. "Alcohol is not my drug of choice," he winked and blurted without thought. Okay. Don't judge. That is a pretty innocent statement, right? But the best was yet to come. He reached to caress my hand and smiled thoughtfully. "It's important for you to know that I am not here for sex. I have someone on the side for that." Say what? I think he continued with the explanation, but I did not hear another word. All I could think was my wine had not yet been served but I wanted to guzzle and run. Who says something like that less than an hour into a first meeting?
 
I have to premise my thoughts here that I do know I am a weird duck. I believe wholeheartedly that I am the least judgmental person on the planet. I am rarely motivated by specifics of height, weight, age, income, occupation, vehicle choice, six-pack abs - you get my drift. It is chemistry and attraction – be it physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual – that will float my boat. But even if that exists, inappropriate behavior and ignorant conversation will sink that ship. And it will only take one torpedo.
 
I have since ended my relationships with online services. I tired of being asked for financial statements and full-body swimsuit photos before any kind of formal conversation. Chances of finding a truthful, respectable guy are much like finding a needle in a haystack and suffice it to say, my farming days have long been over. I know that many have found love online and I celebrate their success. For those of you still pursuing those avenues, I applaud your bravery and trust. I have decided to just randomly watch and wait for an intellectually fascinating sugar daddy – or a sugar grandpa, or a sugar uncle, or a sugar moose for that matter. The odds of success are equally as promising as online dating. Ah, but that is fodder for yet another rant.