Didn't someone important once say that even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while? I have been staring at empty pages in my mind for the last few weeks.
It was almost like someone inserted a balloon in the middle of my brain and inflated it eliminating room for any kind of intelligent thought - it left nothing but an empty void of personal doubt.
I have deliberately not written about this before now because the last thing I needed at this moment in time was to be tagged as a Negative Nellie. If anyone in this reality is a Positive Penelope, it is definitely me.
While I pride myself on being a satirical voice of reason, lately the satire was materializing as self-righteous rage. Instead of tackling life's most ridiculously amusing inequities, I had only one question controlling my thoughts . . . Why?
Now there is a loaded question, huh? I remember as a senior in high school when my brilliantly eccentric (a.k.a. nutzoid) English teacher taught a segment on philosophy. The last question on his final exam was exactly that - "Why?". The A-grade answer he was looking for was "Why not?". Most of us delivered what he deemed a categorical Fail - "Because."
So, what does this have to do with the balloon void in my brain? I have been accepting "because" as the answer to my question. It has taken me all these years to understand why that answer is unacceptable. Why does someone re-invite themselves back into your life only to kick you to the curb exactly as they did before? Why? There is no because. It is just what people do when they don't care.
And please do not immediately judge - "You should have known." Apologies breed trust. Apologies open a loving heart to forgiveness. But...
Hallelujah! This blind squirrel has finally found her acorn. You can all applaud now! Hip Hip and all that jazz. I am officially a fat cat who has been expelled from the bowels of disappointment. Acknowledging the problem frees the mind. And I am never looking back.
Although, someone recently said to me "never say never" which, by the way, loosely translates to "not a fat chance in hell." I have finally realized that I am good. I am really good. The loss is not mine.
Well, well. I have written three blogs already this weekend. I do believe the balloon has burst. I bet you cannot wait to hear my thoughts on chocolate. It is one sweet perspective. Ah, but that is fodder for yet another rant.
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